Misuse of "desert" for "dessert"

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This pet peeve, desert being misused for dessert, is a little different from most. That's because desert can be pronounced in more than one way, depending on how it's being used--and one of its pronunciations is exactly like dessert. No wonder people get confused!

When used as a noun, the word desert describes a place, like the Mojave Desert or the Sahara Desert.

The word dessert refers to something sweet eaten at the end of a meal.

However, when it's used as a verb, desert is pronounced just like dessert: "The soldier decided to desert his post."

Okay, so if you're referring to something you eat, it's dessert. If you're referring to a place, it's desert. If you're talking about someone leaving a place, it's desert BUT it's pronounced just like dessert. Got it? :)

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Misspellings of "definitely"

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Back when more lay people (as opposed to computer geeks like me) started entering the online world, about 30 years ago, I immediately noticed that a lot of them didn't know how to spell definitely. In fact, it seems that many of them didn't even know how to SAY it! Over the years the mangling of this word has continued...actually, it's gotten worse and worse, at least in terms of how often it's misspelled.

Here are a few versions I've seen:

- defiantly (see what I mean about pronouncing it?--how do you go from defiant to thinking it's the base of definitely?)
- definately (this seems to be THE most common misspelling)
- deffinatly
- definetly

Okay, for the record, it's DEFINITELY; its root word involves FINITE--and as you can see, there is no "a" in "finite."

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Misuse of "me and him" or "me and her" for "he and I" or "she and I"

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Remember back in elementary school when you learned the correct way to phrase sentences that involved you and another person? I do, and I clearly remember that they're supposed to be structured like this:

"He and I went to Disneyland."
"She and I are vegetarian."

So what happened that caused the rampant mangling of the English language as follows?

"Me and him went to Disneyland."
"Me and her are vegetarian."

Just like the simple test I described in the I vs me pet peeve, you can easily figure out the correct phrasing with this simple test: take out the other person, or take yourself out. For example:

"_____________ went to Disneyland." (him/he)
"_____________ went to Disneyland." (me/I)

For each of the above, plug in both choices:

"Him went to Disneyland."
"He went to Disneyland."

"Me went to Disneyland."
"I went to Disneyland."

In each case, it's obvious that the first choice is incorrect, right? Okay, so now you know which single choice is correct. Now go ahead and combine them:

"He and I went to Disneyland."

That's it! It's that simple.

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Misuse of "boughten" (and its past tense "boughtened") for "bought"

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As previously noted, I'm a big fan of Judge Judy; I watch two episodes every day. For some unknown reason, the litigants (and their families, friends, neighbors, witnesses, etc.) who appear on the show tend to be rather low on the intelligence and education scales. So it's not terribly surprising that some of them use words that don't even exist in the English language or, if the words do exist, they're not supposed to be used the way these people use them.

One of my favorites is boughten, as in: "I went to Walmart and boughten some beer."

A variation of this is, apparently, the past tense of boughten, boughtened: "I went to Walmart and boughtened some beer."

Of course, what these double-digit IQ people don't understand is that the word they're looking for is simply bought, which is the past tense of buy:

"I occasionally go to Walmart to buy beer."
"I went to Walmart and bought some beer."

Please, trailer park rednecks, learn that bought is the word you want when you're referring to a purchase you made. Just bought. Not boughten.

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Misuse of "borrowed" for "loaned"

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As an avid viewer of Judge Judy I get to see a lot of different types of people, folks from all walks of life and all along the spectrum of education and literacy...or the lack thereof. It's not a huge secret that the majority of litigants, and their families/witnesses who accompany them, are neither highly intelligent nor highly educated. Oh, sure, a lot of them know some impressive big words, such as "altercation" and "incarcerated." *rolling my eyes right now* But when it comes to basic language skills, let's just say they tend to be very lacking.

One of the most commonly heard phrases uttered by litigants on Judge Judy is: "I borrowed him some money..." And, yes, my eyes roll every time I hear that! Judge Sheindlin usually corrects them, saying: "You LOANED him some money!" But that's usually accompanied by a whooshing sound as the correction goes right over their heads.

So when it comes to borrow and loan, when do you use which? That's easy!:

(Assume the money has to be repaid)

If you're the one GIVING the money to the other person, you're loaning the money to them.

If you're the one RECEIVING the money from the other person, you're borrowing the money from them.

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Misuse of "patients" for "patience"

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It's usually pretty funny, albeit unintentionally, when someone misuses patients when they mean patience. The former, patients, is plural of patient, as in a person who is in the hospital because they're sick, whereas the latter, patience, has to do with the virtue of being a patient person. Here are some examples of correct usage:

"My patience has worn thin with my neighbor who hoards trash."
"Patience is a virtue!"
"You're very patient to wait for Alex to pay back the money he borrowed."

"How many patients are on the sixth floor of the hospital?"
"I love treating my patients every day at my practice."
"Patients are unpredictable at times."

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Misuse of "seen" for "saw"

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This particular pet peeve actually grates on my nerves. It's like fingernails on a blackboard! It's when someone says seen when they should say saw, as in: "It was when I seen her at my house." Oh dear.

The root word is see. If you're talking about the present, it's simply see: "I can see your house from here."

If you're talking about the past, it's either: "I saw your house yesterday" or "I've seen your house before." But it's never, ever "I seen your house." EVER!

If you insist on misusing seen when you mean saw, it makes you sound ignorant and uneducated.

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Adding an "apostrophe s" to a word doesn't make it plural

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For some reason (that I cannot fathom) people have gotten the idea that adding apostrophe s to a word makes it plural. For example:

apple's
family's
table's
the Brady's

WRONG! Adding an apostrophe and the letter 's' does not make a word plural, it makes it possessive. With the examples above:

"The apple's color was dark red."
"My family's surname is hundreds of years old."
"The kitchen table's top is ceramic tile."
"That is Marcia Brady's book."

If you want to make a word plural, you add an s to its end. However, depending on the word, it may be necessary to add an es to its end or change a final y to ies. Again, using the examples above:

"The apples were dark red."
"The families on this block are friendly."
"This store has beautiful dining room tables."
"I'm going to visit the Bradys tomorrow."

Some examples of words that need es added to make them plural:

churches
potatoes
grasses

When making family names, such as Brady, possessive, the placement of the apostrophe depends on whether you're referring to one or more members of the family.

For one member:

"That is Marcia Brady's book."

For more than one member:

"Those are the Bradys' books."

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Misuse of "formally" for "formerly"

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Every time I see this particular pet peeve of mine, I wonder what the person is thinking...er, wait, clearly they're NOT thinking! If they were, they'd realize that they're using the wrong word. Here's an example:

"This store was formally known as Garden World."

If it was formally known as Garden World, I can't help but wonder what it was informally known as!

The word they're looking for is formerly, as in a former condition, not a formal one:

"This store was formerly known as Garden World."

Now I feel better. :)


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Misuse of "who's" for "whose"

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This is another case of words that sound alike, yet have completely different meanings and are not interchangeable: who's and whose.

Who's is a  contraction meaning who is, while whose means belonging to who(m). But, just like it's being misused for its, it's very common to see who's misused for whose.

These are INCORRECT:

"Do you know who's house that is?"
"Who's phone is ringing?
"That is who's book I borrowed."

Think about what those sentences are actually saying by expanding out the contraction who's:

"Do you know who is house that is?"
"Who is phone is ringing?"
"That is who is book I borrowed."

Pretty nonsensical, right? Now the correct versions:

"Do you know whose house that is?"
"Whose phone is ringing?"
"That is whose book I borrowed."

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Misuse of "loose" for "lose"

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If you spend any time online, you're probably very familiar with this pet peeve of mine: the misuse of loose for lose. This one makes me scratch my head a bit! I'm as sure as I can be the same people who mistakenly use loose instead of lose know how to spell goose. Since goose and loose rhyme with each other...why do they screw up?!

So which is which? That's easy!

- lose rhymes with ooze
- loose rhymes with goose

Some examples:

"I want to lose a few pounds."
"Did your team lose the game last night?"
"If you lose your keys, I have a spare set."

"This shirt is loose on me now because I've lost weight."
"That TV show is a loose adaptation of a true story."
"Are size nine shoes loose on you?"

Easy!

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Misuse of "I" when it should be "me"

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Somehow, over the years, there's been an unbelievable increase in the misuse of I when the correct word is me. For example, "My mother left her house to my brother and I." UGH! No, it's not I! It's ME.

I have a theory about this, but it's difficult to explain so it makes sense. Basically, I think people THINK they sound smart when they say I--but they don't realize that they actually sound really uneducated/ignorant because that's not the correct word.

This trend is so pervasive that it happens a lot on TV. For example, I'm watching the "Spin a Yarn" episode of [Gordon Ramsay's show] Kitchen Nightmares right now. Ramsay arrives at the owner's home to meet the owner's wife, Jennifer, before heading to the restaurant. Ramsay looks at a wedding photograph and asks who's in the picture. The wife responds: "Me and Saki, Saki and I." See, she KNEW it was "me" when she put that BEFORE the other person, but as soon as she swapped their placement in the sentence, she incorrectly used "I" instead!

There's a simple test I learned a million years ago that can be used to determine whether I or me is the correct choice. Simply take the other person out of the sentence! Using the example from above:

"My mother left her house to ___________ "  (I/me)

Go ahead and plug in both choices:

"My mother left her house to I."
"My mother left her house to me."

Obviously, the correct choice is me. Now add the other person back into the sentence:

"My mother left her house to my brother and me."

Voila! You're correct!

Another, even more disturbing, misuse of I happens when the person says something along these lines: "My wife and I's friends came over." REALLY?! There's no such word in the English language. You mean, "My wife's and my friends came over."

Please stop trying to sound intelligent when you're actually showing your ignorance by using I instead of me or my.

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Misuse of "there" for "their" or "they're"

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The misuse of there for their or they're has reached epidemic proportions! Since these words are so commonly misused, here's how to tell them apart:

There refers to a place, as in "I'm going there tomorrow."

Their means "belonging to them," as in "Their house is on the corner."

They're is a contraction of they are, as in "They're going to the library."

These words are not interchangeable! Each one has a distinct meaning. Here are some examples:

- there
when did you get there?
please put the book over there on the coffee table
there used to be a school here

- their
when did you get their birthday present?
please put their book on the coffee table
their school used to be on that corner

- they're
when they're ready to leave, they'll call us
they're working on a new book
they're reminiscing about the old school

All three in one sentence:
"They're going to be there tomorrow for their father's birthday party."

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Incorrect use of "it's" for "its"

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I have no idea when this phenomenon started, but it became glaringly obvious after the masses started using the Internet: it's misused for its.

For example: "The book is in it's place on the shelf." UGH!!

See, here's the thing: it's is a contraction of it is--which means that, in the example above, the person is actually saying, "The book is in it is place on the shelf"...which makes NO SENSE whatsoever.

The word they're looking for is its--which means "belonging to it." The sentence should read, "The book is in its place on the shelf."

Think of it just like the words "his" and "hers"--neither of which has an apostrophe in it. (Although I frequently see "hers" misspelled as "her's"...and I don't know why they do that, either!)

His, hers, its. Belonging to him, belonging to her, belonging to it. Simple. NO APOSTROPHES.

Some examples:

"Let me know when it's time to go home."
"It's okay with me if you come over tomorrow."
"It's supposed to rain today.

"Put the book back in its place on the shelf."
"After the test, the teacher will post its answers on the board."
"My car needs its smog test this month."

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